This is how I express pain. Pain and sadness are always with me. I am grateful for everything, but at the same time deeply sad while observing and experiencing life. Majority is written in Slovene, my mother language. I added translations in english, but translating feelings, even in words is almost impossible. These are mostly dark but realistic at the same time.
Kurac
Kurac je pravi kadar je velik in jak.
A večino časa, ga nosi bedak.
Kurac je lahko vsak, tudi tisti, ki nima dlak.
Kurac te pljune in rani, vendar še ne pomeni, da zato ni tapravi.
Kurac se smeje in šprica v zrak, ampak to ne pomeni, da je junak.
Pazi se kuraca.
Di**
A d*** is real when it’s big and strong.
But most of the time, a fool wears it.
Anyone can be a di**, even the one without hair.
A d** spits and hurts you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right one.
The d** laughs and squirts in the air, but that doesn’t mean he’s a hero.
Take care of the dick.
Ne nosi mi cvetja
Ne nosi mi cvetja…
zdaj ne boli.
Ne nosi mi cvetja…
zdaj sem brez skrbi.
Zalivaj rastoče cvetice,
nikar se ne zmeni za pretekle krivice.
Zdaj me vec ne boli.
Barve so zbledele,
tišina je slišna…
Ne nosi mi cvetja,
zdaj res ne boli.
Svobodna in osvobojena sem vseh laži.
Ne nosi mi cvetja…
Spomni se dni, ko si držal mojo dlan, a se isti trenutek obrnil vstran.
Ne nosi mi cvetja…
Moja ljubezen bo večna…
to začutil bos, čeprav sama nimam več možnosti biti srečna.
Ne nosi mi cvetja.
Bilo je nekoč.
Minila sem, kot mine vsaka noč.
Do not bring me flowers
Don’t bring me flowers
Don’t bring me flowers…
it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Don’t bring me flowers…
I’m worry free now.
Water the growing flowers,
they do not dwell on past injustices.
It doesn’t hurt anymore.
The colors have faded,
the silence is audible…
Don’t bring me flowers
it really doesn’t hurt now.
I am free from all lies.
Don’t bring me flowers…
Do you remembers the day when you held my hand but turned away at the same moment?
Don’t bring me flowers…
My love will be forever…
you will feel it, even though I no longer have the chance to be happy myself.
Don’t bring me flowers.
It was once.
I passed b, as every night passes by.
Ugibanje
Ugibam,
kdo si.
Ugibam,
kje si.
Ugibam,
kaj čutiš.
Ugibam,
kaj vse (mi) skrivaš.
Ugibam,
s kom govoriš in se smejiš.
Ugibam,
kaj vse zamolčiš.
Ugibam,
kaj so razlogi.
Ugibam,
kaj misliš.
Ugibam,
kako se počutiš.
Ugibam,
kakšen je tvoj plan.
Ugibam,
kak bo vsak tvoj dan.
Ugibam,
ali slutiš…
da ugibala bom, dokler se ne zgrudim.
Ugibam, milijon je vprašanj
moja radovednost zmeraj odrine te vstran.
Ugibam,
kaj je resnica.
Ugibam,
ali znana ti je pravica.
Ugibam,
ugibam in
razbijam si glavo
Ugibam in skušam kreirat misel tapravo.
Ugibam,
čutiš moje srce.
Ugibam,
ali še kdaj izgovoriš ljubeče moje ime.
Ugibam,
kjerkoli se nahajam…
Ljubezen do tebe ne pozna besede ‘predaja’.
Ugibam,
ugibam in iščem v temi.
Kaj tisto je kar napravi premike v tebi?
I am guessing
I am guessing,
who are you.
I am guessing,
where are you.
I am guessing,
what do you feel.
I am guessing,
what are you hiding (from me).
I am guessing,
with whom you talk and laugh.
I am guessing,
why are you keeping everything quiet.
I am guessing,
what are the reasons.
I am guessing,
what do you think.
I am guessing,
how do you feel.
I am guessing,
what is your plan.
I am guessing,
how will your day be.
I am guessing,
do you have a hunch…
that I will guessing until I collapse.
I guess there are a million questions
my curiosity always pushes you aside.
I am guessing,
what is the truth.
I am guessing,
do you know the right.
I am guessing,
I am guessing and
I’m breaking my head
I am guessing and try to create the right thought.
I am guessing,
you feel my heart.
I am guessing,
do you ever speak my loving name again.
I am guessing,
wherever I am…
Love for you does not know the word ‘surrender’.
I am guessing,
I am guessing and search in the dark.
What is it that moves anything inside of you?
Slovo
Koliko sloves, zmore še srce?
Kolikokrat držala bom roko in jo spustila?
Kolikokrat v slovo poljubila?
Kolikokrat se v te nočne more prebudila?
Nihče ni rekel,
da življenje je nenehno slovo,
da srce vsak dan krvavelo bo.
Vsakdo ubije delček mojega srca, kot da ni ze dovolj biti del lažnega sveta.
Projeciram v mislih,
tam vse je lepo.
Nikoli več ne rabim nikogar objemat v slovo.
Vse resnično je in pristno.
Prioritete se ne spremenijo,
ljudje živijo kar govorijo.
Farewell
How many farewells can the heart still take?
How many times will I hold my hand and let it go?
How many times kisses of goodbye?
How many times will I wake up to these nightmares?
Nobody said,
that life is a constant goodbye,
that the heart will bleed every day.
Everyone kills a piece of my heart, as if being part of a fake world isn’t enough.
I project in my mind,
everything is beautiful there.
I never have to hug anyone goodbye again.
Everything is real and authentic.
Priorities do not change,
people live what they say.
Mrtva
umrle so sanje
umrlo je vse
umrlo srce
odločilo,da življenje ni zame
plačujem za travme
ki pustili so jih drugi
plačujem z bolečino
ker osebam povem resničo
vrednost moja je ničta
nosila bom rane
Sama
naj živjenje kar dalje biča
nameni in želje so zmeraj iskreni
žrtvovanja in boji
vsekakor nezanemarljivi
škorpijonska narava zmeraj upre se,
ko krivica udriha
tudi kadar vsi grejo v smer
kamor veter piha
Nikoli ni bilo lahko
zmeraj si kriv
če drugi pohabijo te
ti izpadeš debil
cenim izbrane ljudi
in ne pustim si blizu,
ko to storim
vse prepreke premostim
stroga narava in načelnost
sta vodilo
postati boljša …to ne bo nikoli minilo
nastala globoka je rana
Sama stopam po trnavi poti
Površnost in lahkotnost rešili bi me,
a taksna čustva niso zame
Nikomur nisem storila žalega nič,
vsakič sem se borila,kot se bori hudič.
tonem v krvi,ki je nevidna
tonem v žalosti,da moram zmeraj bit previdna
tonem in tonem in čakam,
da vsega bo konec,
in ostanem brez zraka
Dead
the dream died
everything died
dead heart
decided that life is not for me
I pay for trauma
which were left by others
I pay with pain
because I tell people the truth
my value is nil
I will bear the wounds
Alone
may life continue to whip
intentions and desires are always sincere
sacrifices and struggles
definitely not negligible
scorpio nature always resists,
when injustice strikes
even when everyone is going in the direction
where the wind blows
It was never easy
it’s always your fault
if others mutilate you
you look like a moron
I appreciate the chosen people
and I don’t let myself near,
when I do
I can overcome all obstacles
strict nature and principle
are the guide
get better…it will never go away
a deep wound was created
I walk alone on a thorny path
Superficiality and lightness would solve me,
but such feelings are not for me
I didn’t hurt anyone,
every time I fought like the devil fights.
I drown in blood that is invisible
I am drowning in sadness that I always have to be careful
I sink and sink and wait,
that everything will end,
and I run out of air
Iskrica upanja
Dolgo iskala sem v temi,
iskrico upanja.
Zgubljena in sama, verjela sem…
v iskrico upanja.
Večkrat verjela laznim besedam,
misleč, da jo imam…
iskrico upanja.
Leta in leta sem se trudila,
za iskrico upanja.
Nazadnje sem rekla,
pojdi vstran,
iskrica upanja.
Zaklela sem se, da nikoli več ne verjamem zaman…
Borila sem se in nikoli predala,
za iskrico upanja.
Utrujena sem sedla na tla in jokala,
prekleta iskrica upanja.
Odrinila sem jo vstran,
iskrico upanja.
Ogovoril me je fant,
čeprav sem bila brez iskrice upanja.
Skozi čas mi dajal krila in vračal vero drugam….
nazaj,
v iskrico upanja.
Zbirala sem svoje črepinje, krpala rane,
zbrala moci,
saj ON bil je iskrica upanja.
Iskrica upanja
po tolikih letih.
Iskrica upanja v srcu mi sveti.
Sreča in varen objem,
vse kar sem želela,
takšna je iskrica upanja,
točno to sem imela.
Realnost surova kot se nikoli,
zabodla v srce je,
iskrici upanji tla ponovno zamaje.
Imena, fotografije in lepi trenutki,
iskrica upanja je še med drugimi.
Resnica boleča in igre neskončne,
bolečine se zdijo neskončne.
Iskrica upanja,
zakaj mi to delaš?
Vsa ta leta,
slabšo me delaš.
Vera v človeka bo izumrla,
iskrico upanja čisto zatrla.
Obsojas me kompliciranosti in težavnosti,
iskrica upanja, ubijas brez milosti.
Ponujeno roko sem s previdnostjo sprejela,
iskrice upanja bila sem vesela.
Nisem edina, sem nihče,
Iskrica upanja,
mrcvariš moje srce,
moja bit, ne ve več kako ji je ime.
Kje narobe postopam,
kaj naj storim, da z iskrico upanja svoj varen svet zgradim.
Iskrica upanja,
je še povratek?
Iskrica upanja le kje je človek zate?
Iskrica upanja,
ne bom več dolgo
Vse kar vliva življenje mi,
je v ljudeh izumrlo.
Golta me temna sila na povprečno stran,
kjer duse so mrtve in varanje postane vsakdan.
Skrivna zivljenja in mrtva vsebina,
iskrica upanja…
verjela sem,da si bolj fina.
Kam naj odpljujem?
Iskrica upanja…
V kaj naj verujem brez, da srce žrtvujem?
Iskrica upanja….
Spark of hope
A spark of hope
I searched for a long time in the dark,
a spark of hope.
Lost and alone, I believed…
into a spark of hope.
Many times she believed false words,
thinking I have her…
a spark of hope.
I tried for years and years,
for a spark of hope.
Finally, I said,
step aside,
a spark of hope.
I swore that I would never believe in vain again…
I fought and never gave up,
for a spark of hope.
Tired, I sat down on the floor and cried,
damn spark of hope.
I pushed her aside,
a spark of hope.
A guy spoke to me,
although I was without a spark of hope.
Over time, he gave me wings and returned my faith again..
into a spark of hope.
I collected my tiles, patched wounds,
gathered powers,
because HE was the spark of hope.
A spark of hope
after so many years.
A spark of hope shines in my heart.
Happiness and a safe hug,
everything I wanted,
such is the spark of hope,
that’s exactly what I had.
Reality is as raw as ever,
she stabbed in the heart,
spark of hope shake the ground again.
Names, photos and beautiful moments,
there is still a spark of hope among others.
The truth hurts and the games are endless,
pains seem endless.
A spark of hope,
why are you doing this to me?
All these years,
you make me worse.
Faith in man will die out,
completely crushed the spark of hope.
You condemn me for complications and difficulties,
a spark of hope, you kill without mercy.
I cautiously accepted the offered hand
spark of hope I was happy.
I’m not the only one, I’m nobody,
A spark of hope,
you melt my heart,
my bit, he doesn’t know her name anymore.
Where am I doing wrong,
what should I do to build my safe world with a spark of hope.
A spark of hope,
is there a return?
A spark of hope, but where is the man for you?
A spark of hope,
I won’t be long
Everything that gives life to me,
has become extinct in humans.
A dark force is swallowing me to the average side,
where souls are dead and cheating becomes everyday.
Secret lives and dead content,
a spark of hope…
I thought you were nicer.
Where should I spit?
A spark of hope…
What should I believe in without sacrificing my heart?
A spark of hope….
0 in 1
0 in 1
nekomu so samo številke
0 in 1
za nekoga življenja so pletilke.
0 in 1
dva različna pola
večkrat nočna mora.
0 in 1
zelo sta si različna
pa čeprav skoraj stična.
0 in 1
velikokrat prezrta
veliko vlogo v življenju empatičnih imata
Preprostost nikoli ni bila preprosta
Navidezna povrsnost
sodobna je slepota.
Izčrpana sem od vseh polovick 0,5
Nikoli nočem razumeti teh prasic.
Pijejo mi dušo in srce
celo zivljenje povzrocajo le gorje.
Carobnost doma in svojega sveta
je ravno Murkica,ki je lahko ranljiva.
kjer vse maske so lahko odvržene
Iskala sem varnost
iskala sem mir
pokazat, da 1 in 0 nista hudir.
0 and 1
0 and 1
to some, they are just numbers
0 and 1
for someone’s life, they are knitters.
0 and 1
two different poles
often a nightmare.
0 and 1
they are very different
even if almost tangential.
0 and 1
often ignored
they play a big role in the lives of empaths
Simplicity has never been simple
Apparent superficiality
it is modern blindness.
I’m exhausted from all the 0.5 halves
I never want to understand these bitches.
They drink my soul and heart
the whole life only causes woes.
The magic of home and your world
it is precisely me who can be vulnerable.
where all masks can be discarded
I was looking for security
I was looking for peace
show that 1 and 0 are not odd.
Štejem
Štejem kaplje, ki padajo z neba,
štejem solze, ki kapljajo do srca.
Štejem dneve in noči,
štejem dneve, ki polni so skrbi.
Štela sem trenutke, ko si me zapustil,
štela sem trenutke, ko si me užalostil.
Štela sem laži,
štela neprespane noči.
Moje srce kljub vsemu molči.
Odštevala sem dneve, kdaj primem te za roko,
odštevala sem mesece, da izpeljeva poroko.
Vse zdelo se je daleč vstran,
a naenkrat prišel je tisti dan.
A dan ni bil dan o katerem sem sanjala,
dan je bil dan v katerem svoje življenje sem dala.
Dan, ki sem se ga bala in od njega v realnem svetu bežala.
Prišel je dan slovesa.
Takrat odštevala sem zadnje ure,
nisem želela se zbuditi v more.
Spoznala sem, da štetje ne pomaga,
saj v tem nihče ne zmaga.
Štejem solze, besede strtega srca…
štejem in štejem,
vrtim se v krogu.
Štejem osebe in iščem tvojo podobo.
I’m counting
I count the drops that fall from the sky,
I count the tears that drip to my heart.
I count the days and nights,
I count the days that are full of worries.
I counted the moments when you left me,
I counted the moments when you made me sad.
I counted lies,
counted sleepless nights.
Despite everything, my heart is silent.
I’ve been counting down the days to hold your hand,
I’ve been counting down the months until we get married.
Everything seemed far away,
but suddenly that day came.
But the day was not the day I dreamed of
day was the day in which I gave my life.
The day I dreaded and ran away from in the real world.
Farewell day has arrived.
At that time, I was counting down the last hours,
I didn’t want to wake up in the sea.
I realised that counting does not help,
because nobody wins at the end.
I count the tears, the words of a broken heart…
I count and count,
I’m going round and round.
I’m counting people and looking for your image.
Beg
Vsi bežimo.
Bežimo od žalosti.
Bežimo od realnosti.
Bežimo od bolečine,
bežimo….
Beg nam je znan,
predvsem kadar pride realnost na plan.
Beg je domač,
kot vsakodneven trač.
Ko najbolj boli takrat se človek v maratonca prelevi.
Po eni strani išče uteho,
po drugi strani smrt, da gre pod varno streho.
Runaway
We’re all running away.
Let’s run away from sadness.
We are running away from reality.
We run away from pain,
let’s run….
Running away is familiar to us,
especially when reality comes to the surface.
Running away feels like home,
like everyday gossip.
When it hurts the most, that’s when a person turns into a marathon runner.
On the one hand, he is looking for comfort,
on the other hand, death to go under a safe roof.
Cvetkotu
Zamujam…
tvoje srce prebujam.
Zamudila sem,
da od tvoje duše se poslovim.
Jaz oprostim ti vse,
saj nisi nič drugačen kot mi vsi,
zato me srce še bolj boli.
Zamudili smo.
Mi, vsi.
Oprosti - v srcih doni.
Cveto, tako redko, a zmeraj unikatno.
S teboj v družbi bilo je sladko.
Slutila sem, da odhajaš,
a upala do zadnjega, da se ne predajaš.
Zamudila sem,
zamudila s pismom,
zamudila z besedami,
zamudila z objemi in trenutki.
Zamudila sem ti stisniti roko,
povedati, da na onem svetu lepše bo.
Pocivaj v miru
Cvetotu
I’m late…
I am awakening your heart.
I missed it,
to say goodbye to your soul.
I forgive you everything,
because you are no different from the rest of us,
that’s why my heart hurts even more.
We missed it.
All of us.
I’m sorry - in my heart echoes.
A flower, so rare, but always unique.
It was sweet with you in your company.
I sensed you were leaving,
but I hoped to the last that you would not give up.
I missed it,
missed the letter,
missed with words,
missed with hugs and moments.
I missed shaking your hand,
to say that it will be more beautiful in the next world.
Rest in peace
Trpim
Trpim…
v samoti okamenim.
Trpim…
in grozne stvari si želim.
Trpim in trepetam…
vsakič samo sebe izdam.
Trpim…
nikomur ni mar,
to danšnje družbe je čar.
Trpim…
globoko v sebi se nikoli ne spremenim.
Trpim, ko svet se smeji in veseli,
takrat srce najbolj boli.
Minilo bo tudi trpljenje,
takrat ko me več ne bo.
Ironično, takrat pri srcu mi bo najbolj toplo.
Takrat ne bom več trpela,
saj me bo zemljica za večno objela.
Suffering
I suffer…
petrified in solitude.
I suffer…
and I desire terrible things.
I suffer and tremble…
I betray myself every time.
I suffer…
nobody cares,
this is the charm of today’s society.
I suffer…
deep down I never change.
I suffer when the world laughs and rejoices,
that’s when the heart hurts the most.
Suffering will also pass,
when I’m gone.
Ironically, that’s when my heart will feel the warmest.
Then I won’t suffer anymore,
because the earth will embrace me forever.
Moj svet
V moj svet, ti si ujet
Čeprav se ta svetu, vcasih zdi preklet
Ni ga sveta, kot sva midva
Midva v svetu sveta ljubezni,
brez sodobne družbe bolezni.
Modri modrec moj moderc, moderen modras si ti… Mešanica okusov mojo dušo prepoji.
Vsak je sam, le midva sva eno. Eno brez tebe, ni nobeno.
Nihče sem brez tebe in vse s teboj, čeprav srce mi joka odkar nisem s teboj.
Objem tvoj varno zavetje,
zadnje case veliko razodetje.
Ljubit ne zna vsak, ljubit pomeni, da si junak.
Moj svet junaka ima,
čeprav srce velikokrat trepeta.
Prerešetano in izdano, zdaj polni se z ljubeznijo kot telo z zdravo hrano.
2139m nad gladino sva si obljubila, da moj svet bo tvoj svet ne glede na bolečino.
My world
Into my world, you are trapped
Although this world sometimes seems cursed
It is not as holy as we are
We are in the world of the world of love,
without the modern society of disease.
A wise man, my wise man, you are a modern man… A medley of flavours saturates my soul.
Everyone is alone, only we are one. One without you is none.
I am nobody without you and everything with you, although my heart has been crying since I have not been with you.
I embrace your safe haven,
last time a big revelation.
Not everyone knows how to love, loving means you are a hero.
My world has a hero,
although the heart often trembles.
Reset and betrayed, it now fills itself with love like a body with healthy food.
2139m above sea level, we promised each other that my world will be your world regardless of the pain.
So many…
So many traces
so many faces
so many hearts
and so many fallen aparts.
So many feelings
so many things
so many moments
so many dreams.
Giving and taking is all I can see,
but all is so instant, which is not for me.